Supply Stash Protector Pillows

"What makes you think I'm stealing office supplies."

Piggy bank #5: carrying (colour).

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

"There is a great deal of evidence that big savings can be made if departments shared resources... But I suspect that implementing the changes might be problematic if we can't even get Norman to lend out his pencil sharpener."

"Don't invade his space."

'You've had enough!'

"Hey, that's your personal pan pizza. NO SHARING!"

'There are five of ua, a high wall with razor wire: It must be something really valuable or secret we're guarding...'

'I'd love to tell who did it, but I'm protecting my source.'

Of course it's filled with my old skins, it's my shed.

"I didn't mind the panel interview, but I got creeped out by the group hug at the end."

'Hey! Who picked out all the odds!'

'Pasta imposter' "Oi! You're not vermicelli, you're cheese string..bugger off!!"

'Give me all your free pens too!'

'My bank suffered a severe financial set back, like yours did last month.'

Man in Gents toilet being watched by CCTV

'And finally before I can permit you to shop in this store, have you ever raised your voice to a member of staff on any prvious occasion ?'

"I don't even like toys. I just do this so people won't talk to me."

"An impressive resume, General, but remember - department-store security is different from national security."

"It says, 'To deter Porch Pirates, we've thrown your package on your roof'."

"I'm a librarian."

'Oh, I gave up greeting people years ago. I was only interrupting their music.'

Man surrounded by paperclips - 'He just saw them as part of his salary...'

"For the hundred millionth time....'Do you mind?'"

Survivalist, Best Before end of the world

'The 10 Habits of Highly Annoying People'

Global Warming and Father Christmas

"We all have to maintain our personal boundaries. I'm prepared to maintain mine with pepper spray."

"My self-defence training wasn't as useful as I'd hoped...Somehow it lacked the necessary 'edge'."

Mountains of Toilet Paper.

"Actually, I'm all ready for the pandemic. I still have everything from Y2K, SARS and the West Nile."

"Father is still old-school when it comes to homeland security."

No Free Hugs