Emergency Tactics Guru Pillows

Paramedic carrying a portable siren.

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'Not only do I have a black belt in karate, I also have a husband in the hospital to prove it!'

"Today you will learn the 'Paper Cut' technique."

'My purse! The original 24-hour pharmacy.'

"Let me through – I'm morbidly curious!"

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"We're going to have a post-flood economy to deal with."

'Relax. This is only a test.'

Tsunami Evac Route

"My God, now what?"

"The blaze has taken hold on the eight floor Chief. The C.E.O., V.P. and C.O.O. are trapped in the boardroom!!"

Hurricane damage to trees

Fire Backwards.

'Oh - It's you.'

'Kitchen! Chicken Bone! Hurry!!' - Rent-A-Surgeon

'Now, lift and squeeze the diaphragm.' ... 'Sweet.'

'I'm a doctor... This man needs someone who can grant me immunity from liability, and FAST!'

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

'I counted six shots! Rush him before he can reload!'

"I've got a pulse!"

"Quick! Turn the siren on!"

"We ran into a marathon."

'Hold it, you can cancel that STAT call.'

'Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today!'

'Just this once sir, we need the overtime.'

Sam Allardyce

"Whoa...not so fast! First of all please tell me your address, your health insurance number, and spell your name for me, Mr. HelpI'mBleedingToDeath."

"I suppose one of us should call somebody."

"Hello, A and E, which department do you need, stabbing, shooting or general GBH?"

Worker: 'QUICK, does anybody here know First Aid?!' / Worker: 'Yeah, him.'

Man with mobile phone says: 'I can't call for help, I'm filming this for the TV news.'

'I said he needs an ambulance! Not ambiance!'

'Which is it, Bill? You had a terrible accident and survived without a scratch. Or, you had a terrible accident and lost a lot of blood?'