Embracer Of Humor Pillows

An old man walking towards his grave

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

'But you're an admiral. How can you feel seasick on a waterbed?'

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

'I'll grow old gracefully when I want to and not any sooner.'

The shape of things to come

"What an awful morning. I left home without my phone."

"I've got pride but no shame."

"You'll like my mate - he's a scream..!"

'I checked that birds and bees stuff on the internet, Dad -- it says you're full of baloney.'

"Teacher believes in performance-enhancing hugs."

"You know, honestly I see it as half full."

Feel good loser. NON WINNER

Coronavirus 100k Deaths

'I swear, one of these days I'm going to win one!'

'All of a sudden all they care about is boys...and make-up.'

'Congratulations, your days of avoiding the real world are finally over.'

"We live here. We just dress this way to fit in."

Welsh Dragon

"It's incredible what nonsense people will believe as long as there are others who also believe."

'I'm doing my bit to develop a global response as part of Fonterra's infant formula risk management strategy.'

The Artist

Gone were the days of emotional restraint.

'What's happiness, it can't buy money.'

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally."

"Oh, I stopped wearing one. At my age there's no point in trying to fool Mother Nature."

Elephant and large lady both balancing on the scales. They weigh the same.

"Son, you can be gay or straight or liberal or conservative and I'll still love and support you. All I ask is that you not be a wimp."

Under 21 Degrees

'Miss Walker called me gifted in front of the whole class! How am I going to live that down?'