Embarrassing Dad Fan Pillows

'See, your father's never afraid of being in the minority.'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

Next to Nothing

Sperm Whale.

Note Book

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"OK...what's the quickest way to the hospital?"

Looky... It's Bat'minton... I'll see myself out."

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

'The brown one that smells like an old man.'

"Have you seen my wife?"

'Not today,son-not on Fathers' Day!'

"I dooon't know this sooonngg. I'm just heeeere with my daaaaaughter and her frieeeends."

Child on a schedule.

"Can you wangle me some parental leave?"

'It never fails. Two pizzas exhaust Dad as much as a 10 mile run exhausts me.'

'Pack your things we're moving.'

The day after Father's Day.

'I'm not giving you a lift. If you want to run away from home, run.'

"Yo, Greg!" "Hey, Warren!"

Nope, not how you change her diaper.

'That's a birthmark, Billy. The doctor gave it to me when you were born.'

"You cheated on the assignment and got an A? Glad to see you've learned a useful life skill."

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I might find the colostrum?"

Vulgar-free Beaver

"Trust your instinct and soar! Is that all the advice you could give me for my first flight Dad?"

'Hello? Roadside assistance? Yes, can you please send someone?'

'I am too the boss of you!'

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

For cryin' out loud, if you say "ain't it a hoot" one more time!