Embarrassing Dad Fan Pillows

'See, your father's never afraid of being in the minority.'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

Next to Nothing

Note Book

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

Looky... It's Bat'minton... I'll see myself out."

"OK...what's the quickest way to the hospital?"

'The brown one that smells like an old man.'

"I dooon't know this sooonngg. I'm just heeeere with my daaaaaughter and her frieeeends."

'Not today,son-not on Fathers' Day!'

"Have you seen my wife?"

Child on a schedule.

"Can you wangle me some parental leave?"

'It never fails. Two pizzas exhaust Dad as much as a 10 mile run exhausts me.'

'Pack your things we're moving.'

The day after Father's Day.

'I'm not giving you a lift. If you want to run away from home, run.'

"Yo, Greg!" "Hey, Warren!"

Vulgar-free Beaver

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I might find the colostrum?"

"You cheated on the assignment and got an A? Glad to see you've learned a useful life skill."

"Trust your instinct and soar! Is that all the advice you could give me for my first flight Dad?"

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

'Hello? Roadside assistance? Yes, can you please send someone?'

'I am too the boss of you!'

What salt shakers find amusing

For cryin' out loud, if you say "ain't it a hoot" one more time!