Email Jedi Gifts

"Are you there god? It's me, Margaret. So sorry to bother you but did you see my last email?"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

'I'm sending another scam email requesting money to help free Willy...'

"Don't worry about missing the meeting, Henshaw. We assigned all the actions to you."

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

"The corner ledge is reserved for senior management."

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

"Well, I've emailed, faxed, and phoned Dobson. Maybe I should just walk down the hall and talk to him..."

'The worst thing is not having access to your e-mail.'

"Thank you for your e-mail. I will be out on a walk for the next twenty minutes and plan on barking remotely until my return."

Spam in inbox.

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

E-waste - 'Well there's another hour gone on email.'

'Everyone's in a rush these days!'

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

"In my trashcan again, eh?"

'Lance, what does 'NSFW' stand for?'

"I hit reply all too many times."

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

"Our ideal employee will be able to answer email in their sleep."

'I delete so much junk mail, my trash can icon turned into a dumpster.'

"Hi..just ringing to see if you got my e-mail?"

Bob soon began to hate his new anti-spam software.

'At 10:00 you'll be deleting spam. At 10:15 you'll be forwarding jokes. At 10:35 you'll be playing online poker. At noon...'

"I finally got myself organized and unsubscribed from all those-e-mails."

'There's a gentleman here who's concerned because you haven't responded to not one of his 12 million email spams.'

'Can we skip to the part where I charge with a light saber?'

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

Tell me about your history. What are your interests? What kind of places do you visit? Are you careful? House of Java.net Cybercafe. You know what I mean: Are you the type that gets around? Your computer seems chaste. You may use it to send me an email. My laptop is virus-free. Freak.