Email Jedi Gifts

"Are you there god? It's me, Margaret. So sorry to bother you but did you see my last email?"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"Don't worry about missing the meeting, Henshaw. We assigned all the actions to you."

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

"The corner ledge is reserved for senior management."

"Well, I've emailed, faxed, and phoned Dobson. Maybe I should just walk down the hall and talk to him..."

'The worst thing is not having access to your e-mail.'

"Thank you for your e-mail. I will be out on a walk for the next twenty minutes and plan on barking remotely until my return."

Spam in inbox.

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

E-waste - 'Well there's another hour gone on email.'

'Everyone's in a rush these days!'

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

'Lance, what does 'NSFW' stand for?'

"I hit reply all too many times."

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

"In my trashcan again, eh?"

"Our ideal employee will be able to answer email in their sleep."

'I delete so much junk mail, my trash can icon turned into a dumpster.'

"Hi..just ringing to see if you got my e-mail?"

Bob soon began to hate his new anti-spam software.

'At 10:00 you'll be deleting spam. At 10:15 you'll be forwarding jokes. At 10:35 you'll be playing online poker. At noon...'

"I finally got myself organized and unsubscribed from all those-e-mails."

'There's a gentleman here who's concerned because you haven't responded to not one of his 12 million email spams.'

Reconnaissance reports your email blast to Sales was a direct hit, with acceptable collateral damage in Finance and Accounting.

"Don't forget to click 'Reply All.'"

A workaholic's dream.