Email Maverick Gifts

"I'm having all unwanted emails go to an Uncle Spam folder."

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

Targets.

"He's not sleeping. He always dims his display while downloading data."

"Every now and then, I find myself in a room filled with people who are wrong."

"Since I am chairman, it behooves me to go first. 'What I Did Over My Summer Vacation,' by Wilson Rupert Hewes."

'The worst thing is not having access to your e-mail.'

'Who wants the talking stick?'

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

In, Out, Shake it all about

"Dangnabit, Wilson! Where's that big campfire I asked for?"

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"Who ordered the bravest tuna on all the seven seas, anointed with the spice of faraway lands, on wheat toast?"

"Anything goes today: I want this to be a free and open discussion of my entrenched positions."

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

"I've been promoted from barbarian pillager to management. Do you know how to tie a neck tie?"

"I hit reply all too many times."

'I delete so much junk mail, my trash can icon turned into a dumpster.'

"The result of our last meeting are impressive: 3 completely solved crossword puzzles, 7 battleship matches, 5 shopping lists, and 26 really funny doodles."

'I say we try it.'

"In my trashcan again, eh?"

Management Speak - reading between the lines: "This new role would involve some extra responsibilities." "He wants me too work twice as hard."

'Beasley, you're a good communicator, look down the table and make eye contact for me!'

"We have a REALLY high turnover rate here."

"Oops! Wrong plug."

'There's a gentleman here who's concerned because you haven't responded to not one of his 12 million email spams.'

'A simple, 'profits are up', would have sufficed.'

"Your Easter bonuses are hidden throughout corporate headquarters."