Elderly Advisor Pillows

An old lady snapping at a man attempting to help her up.

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"Why bother?"

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

Remote Control Duck

Pre-Old Blues

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

Medication for the elderly

Psychologist is SHOCKED by what his elderly patent is telling him.

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

"Someone to see you!"

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

My Mother Was Absolutely Certain She Would Not Succumb to Alzheimer's. She Was Wrong.

Checking for signs of life.

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"We're trying to give geriatrics a sexier image..."

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

I'm Aging Gracefully...so SHUT UP!!!

Mismanagement Consultant.

"Get me my gun. I want to squeeze off a few last rounds."

Two years ago, during a special episode of the Ask Sadie show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Here is an actual reader letter: Dear Sadie, My son just taught me how to use an iPad, so I am writing to tell you that doing so makes me feel young again. You might want to try it. - Nathaniel from Ontario. Thank you for helping me feel young! I may not be as spry as I was back in the old days ... but at least I've never taken two whol

Old Biker: Now that I'm a real biker, all the old babes will want my body.

'At least you're not going to have to worry about your denture adhesive anymore.'