Senior Living Advisor Pillows

"The only thing golden about these years is my incontinence."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"Did you remember my mints?"

Sloth 10K.

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

New Hampshire Minute

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

The Oaks: Breakfast And Back To Bed.

"My novel is about a romance between an octogenarian and a septuagenarian, but I can't remember which is which."

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"We settled into the one-level after our hips got bad."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

My Mother Was Absolutely Certain She Would Not Succumb to Alzheimer's. She Was Wrong.

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

"You want the truth? I can't remember the truth!"

'It's a pretty lame disappearing act Darling: I think we'd better hire a real Magician for Timmy's birthday party...'

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

"Things moving too fast. We need to get back to our roots. And grubs."

Mismanagement Consultant.

Amongst the rush.

'I pleaded with Old Mother Hubbard to make adequate provision for her retirement.'

Organic farm

"Apart from fifty foot away, where do you see yourself, say in the next three months?"

'Oh no! We forgot to unstrap granny before we left!'

'Meet Charles, the office 'old-timer'. He's been hangin' around stock tickers, water coolers, copy machines, and now laser printers for 40 years!'

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses..."

'So June, do you think we should get a stairlift or just move to a bungalow...because, let's face it, we're getting on and here will come a point...when you won't be able to carry me up the stairs anymore.'

'You're lucky, you're one of our few employees that will live long enought to earn a pension.'

"Your new car won't start? Oh, well, umm…that's just the car's Collision Avoidance System kicking in. It doesn't want you to hit anything today."