Elder Care Advisor Pillows

"Have you given much thought to what kind of job you want after you retire?"

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Handle With Care

"Careful."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Pre-Old Blues

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

'The Meaning of Life? -- you don't have a bad ticker, do you?'

My Mother Was Absolutely Certain She Would Not Succumb to Alzheimer's. She Was Wrong.

"Someone to see you!"

Govt. UK led by Seance

Old woman with trolley full of medication.

"Nice try, but I don't think whisky counts as an 'essential medication'."

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

'Dwayne deeply regretted not placing his mother in a personal haircare home earlier.'

The nurses here are so slow. Could this blanket be any thinner? The buttons on the tv remote are too darn small. Although her health had improved, Mabel's condition remained critical.

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

"Don't worry - the Power of Dad still trumps the Power of Attorney."

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

Caution Student Driver.

"Alright, Grandfather, let's check your ticker."

'Be assured about you mother's memory - we back up all the residents onto hard disk once a week.'

Fetch the Walker

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

Jim's Smart Kettle

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

Food Pyramid.

My fitness tracker said I was dead but I thought I'd better get a second opinion

"Now they're saying shiny things attached to hooks are bad for you."

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."