Elderly Wisdom Pillows

Psychologist is SHOCKED by what his elderly patent is telling him.

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

Senior PGA Moment.

'Are you our new glue-ru?'

'It will save us time if you don't tell me what still works and and what doesn't hurt.'

Old and young

Man with sticker on back reading 'Wife's point of view on board'

The Ageing Process.

'Of course you're a failure! Look at you - seventy-two and you've never had a mid-life crisis!'

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

'I wish I could be around when you're my age. I'd like to see that fashion statement with an adult diaper showing.'

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

I like having an older doctor. He understands my ailments and has most of em!

"Don't bother complaining about anything to granddad...he'll just say 'these are the best days of your life!!!'"

'Grandpa says there's more to life than what you see on TV. He must not have cable.'

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

When you get to be my age, you start to notice certain patterns in the river of history. You start to notice, for instance, that the winner always loses. What's that mean? Every great power defines itself as the opposite of its main enemy. Once that enemy is defeated, the great power loses its virtues, its unity ... even its identity. The great power then either creates new enemies, or it fades into history. (Yawn) Old people talk a lot. What I'm saying is, you were not my first "Rudy Park," and

Quadruple espresso. Sorry, Uncle Mort. I'm gonna have to cut you off. I'm old! I can drink as much as I want, whenever I want! You think I got this old without knowing what I can and can't handle? Sorry. See?! I told you I - Zzz. A barista should always follow his instincts.

"I like you a whole lot better when you was alive."

"It's arthritis. Probably caused from clinging to life."

"If you had listened to me when you were twelve, you wouldn't be in this mess."

"Why do you look very old, Grannie?"

"This time you can start over without the hubris of youth."

'Our little 'birds and bees' talk went really well. I learned quite a lot.'

"George Stoner is here from Terre Haute. He and Henry are talking over old times."

"A kiss will make your boo-boo feel better...but my remedio of cayenne pepper and sugar will cure it!"

"My mother used to say, 'If you really love something, let it go. It's always more fun to chase your dinner!'"

"Before there was the Internet, Grandpa didn't know that he was right about everything."

Old man talking about how his attitude to politics has changed with age

'Oh, I'm not a guru - I'm just up here to hide from the zombie apocalypse.'

"If I had a penny for every dollar I had, I'd have two cents."

'I like it when they're at the age where we can remember more than they can.'

"My advice would be to minimise all social contact."