Age And Wisdom Pillows

Senior PGA Moment.

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'Oh, crap.'

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"I'm here for the hair."

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

Psychologist is SHOCKED by what his elderly patent is telling him.

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

"I know I'm going to get older - but how much?"

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

Wherever You Go, There You Are - Next Exit.

Realizing that his youth was now behind him, Mr. Twigly left home at the sight of his first gray hare.

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'Let's have some fun - Let's order from that place that guarantees pizza delivery in thirty minutes!'

"Date of birth?" "1989." "In 1989 I couldn't make ice... still can't." "Good lord, she could be my daughter! I'm so #!@* old." "That's the year my wife left me. Now I have a cold and I'm depressed!"

The Meaning of Life

"Like my old man used to say: 'No news is bad news not yet undelivered.'"

"Do you know the biggest thing I've learned in my thirty nine years?"

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'