Elder Support Gifts

Annual caring for elderly parent marathon.

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

Handle With Care

"Did you remember my mints?"

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"I noticed a few browns."

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

"Someone to see you!"

"Nice try, but I don't think whisky counts as an 'essential medication'."

'Come die with me.'

Introducing Life Alarm for people who have fallen but don't want to get up.

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

Warring parents

Aging Sign # 23: you're dehydrated and yet up peeing all night.

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"I want someone I can grow old and have plastic surgery with."

"Alright, Grandfather, let's check your ticker."

Potts is having a job keeping up with the young turks.

"Television repairs....Don't you want to see my identity?"

Sweet Jailbreak

"This isn't for me - it's for the economy."

"And this is where he'll be during the day - we call it The Men's Downhill."

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

The Leap of Faith Taken by Alzheimer's Caregivers

Face it, Sven, we're old - pillage doesn't mean what it used to mean.

Sadie's sick. Right. With laryngitis. Maybe something worse. She's got spots on her larynx. They did a biopsy. Oh no. She's in her 80s. She's planning for the worst. In case I die, I want you to know I don't like you. Just respect me.

"I don't want your darn money! Get back here with that glass!"

"It's all part of life. In time, each of us will be moved to the guest room."

Before I Knew My Mom Had Alzheimer's, Her Weirdness Drove Me Crazy

"Relax, I've been specializing in gerontology for over six months."

'We had a meaningful confrontation, and I lost.'

The knee surgeon did a poor job.

"The secret to longevity is good genes, good diet, a good lawyer and witnesses with weak eyesight and poor memories."

'Nobility vehicle'