Efficiency Expert Gifts

'Then again, if you're not very smart, it's OK to just work harder.'

'Right we need an urgent response to our productivity problems...'

Managing Targets: "It mat be simple but it works for me."

Surely there's an easier way of moving files?'

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

"I don't know how he does it, but trust me, he will find it."

'Unfortunately we're approaching the expiration dates on most of our quick-fix solutions.'

'Larry, did you replace the cartridges in all the respirators this morning?'

How Many It Takes

"I spent so much time shopping for productivity tools that I forgot to work."

"It's from your 'optimise your time' trainer...he's double booked and won't be coming"

'Do you think that's actually work he takes home? Or office supplies?'

Model employee reads 'Best Practice' document ... scruffy slob reads 'Worst Practice', with messy desk and dangerous wires.

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

No employee is indispensable, but Doreen came pretty close.

"A laptop has been installed in each rest room stall."

"We've got one. It makes twice the mistakes in half the time."

'In a sentence or two, Gibbs.'

'The secret of productivity.'

"My kitchen is very small. Do you have any with doors that swing in?"

'It's a fake. But all the hanging around the water cooler is down 37%!'

"It has come to my attention gentlemen, that you have been doing the work of two men."

Department of cost reduction.

'If you want to meet your target to reduce overheads I'd suggest you sack me. That'll be £13,000 plus VAT.'

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

'I am growing frozen peas to cut out the middle man.'

'It says it works so fast, it's accumulated seven thousand years of vacation with pay.'

Since I started using my shredder, my desk is much less cluttered.

'Well I've finished the project on time and on budget!' 'Oh, that means I've given you too much time and too much money!'

Anal Retentives Assoc.

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

'For faster service start doing your banking online already'

"Gentlemen, inventory is building up at an alarming rate."

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

Litter BinDesk Organiser