Efficiency Guru Gifts

'I wish they would just spring for a paper shredder.'

'He's cut his delivery time in half!'

'Offshoring is the future and I'm afraid we've founds a lawyer in Mumbai whose 46% better at being you for half the cost.'

"They're little notes he keeps leaving me on how to best utilise my housekeeping time."

"Jenkins has always been good at saving energy."

Clancy: Inventing Labour-Saving Devices

Man uses the heater water to heat his kettle.

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

Where your mind & battle are los

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

Colour Version: Living by the Clock

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Motivation to work

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

Late/Too Late.

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

"This works, so why do we need to spend all that energy building a nest?"

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"I'm too busy to be stressed."

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

Soaring Profits

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

Failure/Due Diligence

Cat shoes: For those who are too busy to do their own walking.

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."