Workplace Efficiency Guru Gifts

"The company simply must do something about the office space problem!"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

Work Parfait

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

Motivation to work

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"This works, so why do we need to spend all that energy building a nest?"

Maybe clean out your wallet

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

Cat shoes: For those who are too busy to do their own walking.

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

Fact: The average person spends 4.3 hours per week looking for things that are misplaced, misfiled or mislabeled.

'ACE Heating and cooling' 'What's Hot' 'What Not'

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"The admin shouldn’t take more than 30 or 40 hours, then you’ll be free to get on with some work."