Efficiency Experts Gifts

"Thanks to my cost-cutting policies, profits are up 59%."

'Are you sure you're busy enough Simkins? You seem to have spent the entire day unbending paperclips.'

The paperless office sign covered in post-it notes

'This is my multi application cell phone, it does all my work. I just hit OK button!'

Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat....

Where your mind & battle are los

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

Colour Version: Living by the Clock

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"This works, so why do we need to spend all that energy building a nest?"

Motivation to work

Late/Too Late.

Maybe clean out your wallet

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

"I'm too busy to be stressed."

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

Cat shoes: For those who are too busy to do their own walking.

Failure/Due Diligence

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

"Do you think we should look again at who we invite to these meetings?"

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

'Apparently you can't fire everybody and still maintain productivity.'

'I solve so many work problems at home.'

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"