Efficiency Master Gifts

Car Pools.

"Looks like we found the issue."

Where your mind & battle are los

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

Colour Version: Living by the Clock

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

'Please put that confusing mess of documents, files and folders where it belongs...in your computer.'

Motivation to work

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

Late/Too Late.

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"This works, so why do we need to spend all that energy building a nest?"

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"I'm too busy to be stressed."

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

Cat shoes: For those who are too busy to do their own walking.

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

Failure/Due Diligence

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

"Do you think we should look again at who we invite to these meetings?"

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

'It's come to my notice, Simpson, that YOU'RE the glitch in the system.'

"There appears to be a direct correlation between fewer meetings and higher productivity."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"