Efficiency Experts Pillows

"Thanks to my cost-cutting policies, profits are up 59%."

'Are you sure you're busy enough Simkins? You seem to have spent the entire day unbending paperclips.'

The paperless office sign covered in post-it notes

'This is my multi application cell phone, it does all my work. I just hit OK button!'

Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat....

Where your mind & battle are los

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

Colour Version: Living by the Clock

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Motivation to work

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

Late/Too Late.

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

"This works, so why do we need to spend all that energy building a nest?"

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

"I'm too busy to be stressed."

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

Failure/Due Diligence

Cat shoes: For those who are too busy to do their own walking.

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

"Do you think we should look again at who we invite to these meetings?"

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

'Apparently you can't fire everybody and still maintain productivity.'

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

"I've tracked our GPS coordinates over the past week dad. Well, we're roaming the plains alright!"

'I solve so many work problems at home.'

'It's come to my notice, Simpson, that YOU'RE the glitch in the system.'