Efficiency Expert Pillows

'Then again, if you're not very smart, it's OK to just work harder.'

'Right we need an urgent response to our productivity problems...'

Managing Targets: "It mat be simple but it works for me."

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

'Unfortunately we're approaching the expiration dates on most of our quick-fix solutions.'

"I don't know how he does it, but trust me, he will find it."

How Many It Takes

"I spent so much time shopping for productivity tools that I forgot to work."

'Larry, did you replace the cartridges in all the respirators this morning?'

"It's from your 'optimise your time' trainer...he's double booked and won't be coming"

'Do you think that's actually work he takes home? Or office supplies?'

Model employee reads 'Best Practice' document ... scruffy slob reads 'Worst Practice', with messy desk and dangerous wires.

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

"We've got one. It makes twice the mistakes in half the time."

"A laptop has been installed in each rest room stall."

'In a sentence or two, Gibbs.'

'The secret of productivity.'

Department of cost reduction.

"My kitchen is very small. Do you have any with doors that swing in?"

'If you want to meet your target to reduce overheads I'd suggest you sack me. That'll be £13,000 plus VAT.'

"It has come to my attention gentlemen, that you have been doing the work of two men."

'It's a fake. But all the hanging around the water cooler is down 37%!'

"Gentlemen, inventory is building up at an alarming rate."

'I am growing frozen peas to cut out the middle man.'

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Since I started using my shredder, my desk is much less cluttered.

Anal Retentives Assoc.

'Well I've finished the project on time and on budget!' 'Oh, that means I've given you too much time and too much money!'

'For faster service start doing your banking online already'

Litter BinDesk Organiser

'It says it works so fast, it's accumulated seven thousand years of vacation with pay.'

'Since this luncheon meeting is about preventing waste, we're having leftovers.'

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

"We find putting the customer first works for us!"