Effectiveness Expert Gifts

Employee effectiveness

"Looks like we found the issue."

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

Time Is Money

'Please put that confusing mess of documents, files and folders where it belongs...in your computer.'

Motivation to work

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"Drunk, yet orderly"

"This works, so why do we need to spend all that energy building a nest?"

Inout baskets.

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

Cat shoes: For those who are too busy to do their own walking.

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

'We need to have a shake-up!'

"Do you think we should look again at who we invite to these meetings?"

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

"Give a man a job, and he'll work all day. Teach a man to delegate, and he'll take the rest of the day off."

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"