Educational Shortcut Seeker Gifts

"Instead of taking notes, can I just purchase a transcript of today's lesson?"

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

Interdisciplinary studies.

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

Miss, how do you spell "acceptable"? I've Googled every "e" and can't find it.

"Three more years of high school."

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'Add the numbers, divide by how many numbers you've added and there you have it-the average amount of minutes you sleep in class each day.'

'It's just some Pour 'n' Serve, Stir 'n' Blend, Bake 'n' Slice, Mix 'n' Broil and Chop 'n' Simmer.'

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

'You don't have to worry about my future any more -- I just downloaded an entire college education!'

"So the secret to getting good grades is to study hard...seems a little extreme!"

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'vocabulary'?'

"Of course you'll study Latin. How else will you learn the names of your dinosaur friends."

"I wasn't copying off others. I was just crowdsourcing the answers."

'So far more education hasn't helped me get a job. I think I'll get some student loans and get some more education.'

Fuzzy Math.

"Studying friction is a real drag."

"I think we could work very well together."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

Student to teacher: 'After Accelerated Math I think I deserve a rest.'

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

Public Relations 101: Today's Lecture: 'Weapons of mass deception.'

School of Ology.

"Sorry we’re late, but apparently the journey of 1,000 miles begins with 'I know a shortcut around this traffic'."

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

'And another confusing thing, they give you a ‘textbook,' but it has nothing to do with texting.'

'I don't have to go to school. My mom teachers me.'

'What did I learn in school today? You can't chew gum in class even if you brought a pack for the teacher.'

"With the Suzuki method, they start them campaigning as early as three or four."

"I was master of all I surveyed... then they hit me with second grade."