Educational Escapist Gifts

'Before we discuss some of Bradley's issues, the superintendent is willing to offer you $25,000 to move out of the district.'

Turn to page twenty one.

Back to School Jitters

As I understand it, if the ancient Greeks had had television to watch and video games to play, we wouldn't be stuck with all this stupid geometry.

"Sorry, I'm late Mum, we had biology today."

"I hear they have a TV in there, and I hear it's not tuned to PBS."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

Chuckie's test results come back negative.

'In accordance with your college loan agreement, this radio tracking collar will be removed when you pay off your loan in 2019.'

'I pretended to be religious to get a place at this convent.'

'I'm away from my desk right now. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.'

Teacher's Lounge

Learn While You Hibernate.

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

"When are you going to admit that you're a procrastinator?"

"I remember the good old days when you could get a useless degree for a lot less money."

Ethics exam cheater.

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

"By the way, the failing grades you'll be seeing-they won't be virtual."

'I'm supposed to take a geography test and I can't find the right room!'

Nervous Oral Testing

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

'Yes, John's here, but he can't come to the phone at the moment. He's had a hard day so he's taking some time in his bouncy saucer.'

"All right, what's it going to take to make this homework go away?"

I've decided to run for office so I can spend more time away from my family.

'Man, I'm sick of thinking...can't someone flip on a T.V. or something?'

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

"Don't worry, Howard. The big questions are multiple choice."

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'