Educational Buffoons Gifts

"If it's any consolation, Alex, it's the first 'G' I've ever given."

'But I digress...'

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

'We built this city on Rock 'n' Roll, yeah baby. Is not an accurate assessment of our town's history.'

Math Teacher

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

Pie Charts, Inc.

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

Dept. of Engineering. It's a well-written paper, but a "gyroscope" is not a device for looking at tiny Greek sandwiches.

'Did you know there's a river in Brazil named after Amazon?'

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

'People, get a half-life!'

'I think I have aixelsyd.'

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

"The battle of Gettysburg? Uh. . . let me check my civil war app."

'We don't know what this is called'

'This not exactly what I had in mind when I told him about the birds and the bees.'

"I try to keep my classes relevant."

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

"Costs have risen by 200% and we are behind schedule. We are living up to our acronym gentlemen and I am not happy about it!!"

'That's from the last year the data was available.'

'Fortunately, I'm not driven by a deep need for validation.'

"Since we are all swamped, I've decided to bring in a consultant."

'How did you get so many kids to sign up for your geology class?'

Quiz 2 + 2 = 2 + 2 This is a mathematics professor and my attorney. They'll explain why my answer is technically and legally correct.

'Think Basics.'

"...And you get hazardous pay for study hall periods."

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

Graduated Cylinders...