Business Buffoons Gifts

"How come all your alcohol is behind a paywall?"

"Costs have risen by 200% and we are behind schedule. We are living up to our acronym gentlemen and I am not happy about it!!"

"Tell the press we'll have more in the merger when someone fixes our printer."

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

"Call my broker, fax my accountant, and get my groove back."

Lord Avariss - Captain of Industry

'Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

"I spent hundreds of dollars on a course for entrepreneurs then found out the fire in my belly was acid reflux."

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

I am billing, therefore I am.

Businessman with two boxes: 'Nothing Ventured' and 'Nothing Gained'.

'I don't know what happened. He was hired as a consultanat, but he evolved into a kibitzer.'

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

'Very nice, but I was hoping they'd be a little bit more obscene.'

Hostile takeovers in the novelty business.

"Guess who's going to be on national television apologizing to the American public."

'We do a lot for the ecosystem.'

"Since we are all swamped, I've decided to bring in a consultant."

"By God, you're not a man who's afraid to fail."

'This contract proposal needs more work. I'm not experiencing any twinges of guilt over it.'

How to choose...

"I'll tell you how I got here - hours and hours of hard visualization."

'Instead of the usual boring campaign speech, folks, I'm going to make some balloon animals!'

'It's amazing how fast a business can go from being in the pink to in the red.'

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

"I wasn't very interested in numbers 'til I discovered you could make money out of them."

"I started my company on a shoestring and I've tripled my investment."

Sales chart shows sales going downhill.

"Do we still have a copy of the pep talk I gave on that day?"

"Team, I'd like to introduce Mr. Mandrake aka 'The Sales Magician'."

"Those in favour, honk!"

"If it's any consolation, Alex, it's the first 'G' I've ever given."

'You're security!'