Eccentric Escapist Gifts

How I learned to stop worrying and start hammering

ARchie Smith cartoonist

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

Bo're'droom

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

Tree house.

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

'I'm just going to go and slip into something more comfortable, like denial.'

Imagine

"Could I please go back to the rack now?"

'I was so angry, I got up and tip-toed out of the meeting. I probably should've stomped.'

"He says he's not running away. . . he's just going off the grid."

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

"Yes dear, I know lots of people have a second honeymoon. But we only got back from our first one last week."

Cocktail party with man balancing drink on head as he eats.

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

'The marvelous thing about a Singles cruise is, if you don't find an interesting man, you can drown your sorrows with interesting food.'

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

"Rob is a functioning train wreck."

'Man, I'm sick of thinking...can't someone flip on a T.V. or something?'

'I know, but he's a genius.'

"Who are These People?"

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

Occational lovers - "Let's see...work,work,work,time to recuperate.." "How about Friday."

"And in order to align the designated objectives withthe fiscally driven cross functional departmental...did you understand any of that?" "Only the blah! blah! bit."

"Why don't other people ever do this?"

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

'Remember Machu Picchu, darling? We sat watching that fabulous sunset and suddenly you turned to me and asked me for a pre-nuptial agreement?'

"It's a trashy, unrealistic romance novel about a beautiful maiden and an equally handsome prince who fall instantly and passionately in love...naturally it's a New York Times Bestseller!"

"You there - shoo!"

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

'It's times like this I miss the business channel.'

Human and alien exchange sex toys.