Earnings Expert Gifts

'I hope I'm not embarrassing you when I say that I found your company's latest earnings report very sexy.'

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

Does your accountant share your enthusiasm for the future...We're fantastically excited about the new project!

'What wine goes with enormous expense account?.'

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"Those eco-terrorists are going to cost us a FORTUNE!!"

'The Dow has shot up 2.5% on positive data on housing - until five minutes from now, when it'll be interpreted differently.'

'Sorry to trouble you , sir , but did you remember to sign my expenses ?'

Electricity Bills

"The markets seem to be a little jittery this morning."

'What did the fund manager say to the investment advisor?'

"Goodbye cruel world."

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

'It wasn't until Picasso realzed he was earning $2,856 per hour that he began painting all night.'

Acme Corp - In business since 1927 BG. 'The 'BG' stands for 'Before Greenspan'.'

'When we come back we'll talk to a man who made a fortune on Wall Street and almost got away with it.'

"Whoops! There go those darned interest rates again!"

"According to the most recent report, we have no recourse but to abandon ship."

'G-go ahead, F-Fred; p-pre-announce our disappointing 3rd quarter.'

Fiscal Cliff Dwellers.

"The fact that our loss is someone else's gain is of little consolation to me, Henderson!"

"In the land of toast the butter is spread very thin."

News. Year- End Economic Report. I don't want them to fine-tune the economy --- just get it in the right octave.

'...but then the Dow rallied and the blue chips began to rise...'

At least their adviser was good at explaining things.

'Times have really changed. Remember when a billion dollars really was something?'

'What do you mean when you say we're going to have to start economizing on groceries, Lance?'

Socialism and Capitalism Traps

'I'm sorry, the stock market got to me first.'

'I want a bigger piece of the pie.'

'The trouble started when the world put together a large group of synchronized banks.'