Earnings Expert Gifts

'I hope I'm not embarrassing you when I say that I found your company's latest earnings report very sexy.'

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

Does your accountant share your enthusiasm for the future...We're fantastically excited about the new project!

'What wine goes with enormous expense account?.'

"Those eco-terrorists are going to cost us a FORTUNE!!"

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

'The Dow has shot up 2.5% on positive data on housing - until five minutes from now, when it'll be interpreted differently.'

'Sorry to trouble you , sir , but did you remember to sign my expenses ?'

Electricity Bills

"The markets seem to be a little jittery this morning."

'It wasn't until Picasso realzed he was earning $2,856 per hour that he began painting all night.'

'What did the fund manager say to the investment advisor?'

"Goodbye cruel world."

Acme Corp - In business since 1927 BG. 'The 'BG' stands for 'Before Greenspan'.'

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

'When we come back we'll talk to a man who made a fortune on Wall Street and almost got away with it.'

"Whoops! There go those darned interest rates again!"

"According to the most recent report, we have no recourse but to abandon ship."

'G-go ahead, F-Fred; p-pre-announce our disappointing 3rd quarter.'

"The fact that our loss is someone else's gain is of little consolation to me, Henderson!"

Fiscal Cliff Dwellers.

"In the land of toast the butter is spread very thin."

'...but then the Dow rallied and the blue chips began to rise...'

At least their adviser was good at explaining things.

'Times have really changed. Remember when a billion dollars really was something?'

Socialism and Capitalism Traps

'I'm sorry, the stock market got to me first.'

Bailout Plan.