Ear For Humor Gifts

'You lifted your head.'

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

At the rock concert...

Blind man walking a tortoise.

Captain Hook getting his hook stuck in the rail, again

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

Man sitting on bank with pulling up fishing with sign from fish attached to hook: Gone fishin'.

And overcoming their resistance by sheer skill.

"You might want to get that fly off your face."

'A bucket and pail would have been enough.'

'He did it for us.'

Surgeons prepare for the world's first loopendectomy. Objective: Remove that part of the brain that plays the same snippet of music over the over and over.

"You know very well what fish!"

You and your alternative pregnancy.

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

Cars.

"Wait, you mean to tell me they sometimes catch and then don't release?"

'The smallest line I can read says 'Made In China'.'

'We don't discriminate per se - we just don't hire Lyle Lovett lookalikes.'

"For Valentine's Day. I thought you might enjoy breakfast in bed."

"Are you trying to tell me something, dearest?"

"The tests confirm it...you don't have a serious bone in your body!"

'I couldn't run away with you. I feel I would be depriving a village of its idiot!'

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Menace.

'It freaks me out that you're keeping your dead mum preserved in Formalin on the mantelpiece!'

'We can now offer you a free range egg option.'

'I just had to come over...You caught my eye.'

'You can tell me anything, Mrs. Rojak. I'd never violate the sacred fish store-customer relationship.'

Cowboy posting notices saying WANTED...FOR FLYPOSTING

"Hello, gorgeous!"

"Ooooohhh, now that's what I call a piercing."

'Don't look right now Carla, but there's a REALLY cute guy in the corner giving you the eye.' A man offering his own eye to a woman.