Ear For Humor Gifts

No, when I said "Who has Van Gogh's ear?" I was asking whose advice he follows.

'You lifted your head.'

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

At the rock concert...

Blind man walking a tortoise.

Captain Hook getting his hook stuck in the rail, again

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

Man sitting on bank with pulling up fishing with sign from fish attached to hook: Gone fishin'.

"My first video sucked. But I figure I've got 8 more chances."

"You might want to get that fly off your face."

And overcoming their resistance by sheer skill.

Surgeons prepare for the world's first loopendectomy. Objective: Remove that part of the brain that plays the same snippet of music over the over and over.

'He did it for us.'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"You know very well what fish!"

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

'A bucket and pail would have been enough.'

Cars.

"Wait, you mean to tell me they sometimes catch and then don't release?"

'The smallest line I can read says 'Made In China'.'

'We don't discriminate per se - we just don't hire Lyle Lovett lookalikes.'

"The tests confirm it...you don't have a serious bone in your body!"

'I couldn't run away with you. I feel I would be depriving a village of its idiot!'

'We can now offer you a free range egg option.'

'It freaks me out that you're keeping your dead mum preserved in Formalin on the mantelpiece!'

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

"For Valentine's Day. I thought you might enjoy breakfast in bed."

Menace.

"Are you trying to tell me something, dearest?"

'I just had to come over...You caught my eye.'

'You can tell me anything, Mrs. Rojak. I'd never violate the sacred fish store-customer relationship.'

It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller. I'm devastated. My favorite fast-food place is cheating on me. That's what it feels like, anyway. It's Burger King! Burger King's moving its headquarters to Canada to weasel out of paying taxes! I feel so betrayed. How do I deal with this betrayal, Sadie?! You sound a lot like the CEO of McDonald's. McWhat? Never heard of it.

'Don't look right now Carla, but there's a REALLY cute guy in the corner giving you the eye.' A man offering his own eye to a woman.

Cowboy posting notices saying WANTED...FOR FLYPOSTING

"Ooooohhh, now that's what I call a piercing."