Eye For Comedy Gifts

"Except for that time he pecked my eyes out he's been a good bird."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"Good news, chief, a computer virus destroyed all our documents."

Hitchcock's The Birds

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"Thank God your mother didn't live to see what you've become."

"Sir, Human Resources has clogged the organic waste bins with burned out workers again!"

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

'I'm overpaying you, but you're worth it.'

Unlikely Fly Scenario

'Stocks rose on news engineers are close to developing a car that runs on lattes!'

"Is this what happens when management fails to deal with a passive aggressive member of staff..?"

"I found your problem. This is a horse."

"I still want grandchildren.

As you can see we've had to downsize our workforce.

No, when I said "Who has Van Gogh's ear?" I was asking whose advice he follows.

"The computer in the main office says you need to be fired but it didn't say why."

Man feeds ducks, then ducks feed man.

"You understand this was just business."

"I'm sorry, but we have to let you go. Frankly, you're a public relations nightmare."

'The mail is here and it looks like the opticians have written to us.'

Firemen rescue mushrooms and pepperoni with a pizza.

Service and Emotional Support Animals...

"The sort of person we are looking for is someone who will work his socks off for very little in return. Are you that sort of person?"

"If she sings it's over."

"Well Mr. Bisley, your test results are off the scale. . !"

Cat fight club.

Boxer with glasses.

'My computer? - I got rid of it for insubordination!'

"These name badges were a great idea, Dave!"

Fired Drill.

"Shame really...excellent symmetry"

'Come in and kneel.'

"So, Angela... You and me...we should..get together."

'Take no notice of Nigel, he just finds alternative comedy incredibly amusing!'