Eye For Comedy Gifts

"Except for that time he pecked my eyes out he's been a good bird."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"Good news, chief, a computer virus destroyed all our documents."

Hitchcock's The Birds

"Thank God your mother didn't live to see what you've become."

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"Sir, Human Resources has clogged the organic waste bins with burned out workers again!"

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

Unlikely Fly Scenario

'I'm overpaying you, but you're worth it.'

'Stocks rose on news engineers are close to developing a car that runs on lattes!'

"Is this what happens when management fails to deal with a passive aggressive member of staff..?"

"I found your problem. This is a horse."

"The computer in the main office says you need to be fired but it didn't say why."

"I still want grandchildren.

Man feeds ducks, then ducks feed man.

As you can see we've had to downsize our workforce.

"You understand this was just business."

"The sort of person we are looking for is someone who will work his socks off for very little in return. Are you that sort of person?"

Firemen rescue mushrooms and pepperoni with a pizza.

'The mail is here and it looks like the opticians have written to us.'

"If she sings it's over."

Boxer with glasses.

"Well Mr. Bisley, your test results are off the scale. . !"

"These name badges were a great idea, Dave!"

'My computer? - I got rid of it for insubordination!'

"Shame really...excellent symmetry"

'Take no notice of Nigel, he just finds alternative comedy incredibly amusing!'

Shooting Cupid.

'Come in and kneel.'

"Don't pretend to shoot me, I'll pretend to give you my wallet!"