Quirky Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

"Dang, now I really am going to miss him."

"Oh great, the pervert's back."

"I found your problem. This is a horse."

Service and Emotional Support Animals...

"Oh good, here comes the undertaker."

"Do you know why I stopped you today?"

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"You left this on our ship."

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Party Twenty Three

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Introducing...Anagraman.

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."