E-cart Philosopher Gifts

"If only life had an 'Add To Cart.' We could avoid making any decisions indefinitely."

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"I should've never studied canon law."

Only One Item or Fewer.

Remember, it's about the journey, not the destination. But sure, I'll keep an eye out for a rest area.

Hamlet in the craft shop.

The Three Kinds of People

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

"I don't believe in egrets."

'In this world, son, you've got to learn to push yourself.'

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Two wheels good, four wheels bad.

'Who's pumped about this meeting?!'

"Before the library cuts I was well-read now I just have ill-informed opinions."

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'

"But now the good guy with a gun has a foot wound."

Stephen Fry.

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

'Ah, Garbanzo, truly you are a noble bean.'

"Mental note to self: rethink theory of survival of the fittest."

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

"Hon, where's the butter?"

"Damn. Totally mis-read that."