Commerce Philosopher Gifts

Man sees vending machine selling 'Caveat Emptors ... 50 Cents'

"Who came first...the buyer or the seller?"

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

Company sales forecast mirrors the weather

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

'I hate his kind. They use their integrity and hard work to advance their careers.'

US dollar perched on fragile house of cards.

Only One Item or Fewer.

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

Genius

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

'Chin up, Simpson, it's for the good of the firm.'

Worked Well In Groups...

'Give it to me straight, Mr. Erskine. Is there a downside to unmitigated greed?'

"This is a big seller, and we get them cheap...from China."

"You're allowed to think outside the box, as long as you stay inside the margins."

'I say, let's not be hasty in enforcing the mandatory retirement age.'

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"I'm Kurt... this brochure will explain the rest."

"Leadership is about more than delegating all of your work."

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'They say money can't buy happiness. Find out what can.'

'You said you wanted more responsibility, so I'm making you responsible for everything that goes wrong.'

"I'm not asking for a raise. All I'm asking for is a little warmth and human understanding."

'I'm very worried that if we fail to introduce rigid protocols to maximise client gratification indices within acceptable costbenefit parameters to ensure enhanced margins...then we'll have missed the whole point of what Christmas is about!!!'

'You can't fire me! I'm too big to fail!'

"I can't understand it, we did quite well in the first three quarters.