E-cart Philosopher Pillows

"If only life had an 'Add To Cart.' We could avoid making any decisions indefinitely."

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

Only One Item or Fewer.

The Three Kinds of People

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

"I don't believe in egrets."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Two wheels good, four wheels bad.

'Who's pumped about this meeting?!'

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'

"Before the library cuts I was well-read now I just have ill-informed opinions."

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"But now the good guy with a gun has a foot wound."

Stephen Fry.

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

'Ah, Garbanzo, truly you are a noble bean.'

being watched over his shoulder

"Hon, where's the butter?"

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'