Dual Persona Ponderer Gifts

How's your animal? Do you mean my wolverine, or my inner animal?

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Needs to get a life"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

'At least I don't have his life.'

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Max Weber

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'What did He do before he was God?'

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

I see

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

Jesus wept

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

Caption Contest TK

Tonight's Debate. Nature versus Nurture. You believe in heredity over environment? Yep --- I was just born that way.

Jealousy

"But is it..?"

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

"The best advice I can give you is: 'Be Yourself.'"

"I utilize the best from Freud, the best from Jung and the best from my uncle Marty, a very smart fellow."

'I'm too small for my age: I keep being rejected...'