Split Personality Ponderer Gifts

'If you're opening a joint account, Dr. Jekyll, the other account holder has to be here to sign.'

'Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde...Party of one.'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Needs to get a life"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"I have 25 patients in my counselling group...Mrs Sherman, Mr Martin, and Mr Martins 23 other personalities."

'At least I don't have his life.'

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Max Weber

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

The sad case of the blind-men and the elephant.

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

I see

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

Caption Contest TK

Jealousy

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

The Good Samaritan.

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'