Drugstore Devotee Gifts

Pharmacy: 'It's a miracle drug because it hasn't been taken off the market yet.'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

Happy Hour

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

A young couple selects items from a shop.

'I'm 60-40 in favor of the 60.'

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

Alexander Fleming

Bubble Gum Dispenser

"What SPF sunscreen do you suggest for lying around in a sunny spot?"

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

"...And please let the merger do through!"

'I'm stressed: My dad was a champion, my mum was a champion, there's a lot of pressure on me to become a champion...'

'My best friend threw her bouquet to me at her wedding, and I ATE it!'

Post-psychoanalysis

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

'These smart pills are overpriced!"

'So what if she only brew a few cases a year. We can still do business.'

Hire a lawyer - get one free! Limited time only.

"And while you're waiting for your drinks can I get you something from the bar?"

The over-the-counter versions

'I don't understand why you don't want to take your daily medication.'

"I was deadwood but I'm out of a job. I guess I'm driftwood."

'Single or double?'

'Don't drink on an empty head.'

Hit me.

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."

Pain relievers and pain inducers.

'I'm having what he's having.'

'Michael left me because of my extreme couponing...at least I think he left me.'