Drugstore Devotee Pillows

Pharmacy: 'It's a miracle drug because it hasn't been taken off the market yet.'

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

Happy Hour

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'I'm 60-40 in favor of the 60.'

A young couple selects items from a shop.

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

Bubble Gum Dispenser

Alexander Fleming

"What SPF sunscreen do you suggest for lying around in a sunny spot?"

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

"They'd sold out of #1's."

"...And please let the merger do through!"

'I'm stressed: My dad was a champion, my mum was a champion, there's a lot of pressure on me to become a champion...'

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

Post-psychoanalysis

'My best friend threw her bouquet to me at her wedding, and I ATE it!'

Pharmacy School. We're having a pop quiz. I should have known there'd be surprise drug tests in pharmacy school.

'These smart pills are overpriced!"

Dumocrats

'So what if she only brew a few cases a year. We can still do business.'

Hire a lawyer - get one free! Limited time only.

"And while you're waiting for your drinks can I get you something from the bar?"

'Single or double?'

'Don't drink on an empty head.'

"I was deadwood but I'm out of a job. I guess I'm driftwood."

The over-the-counter versions

'I don't understand why you don't want to take your daily medication.'

Hit me.

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."

Pain relievers and pain inducers.

'Michael left me because of my extreme couponing...at least I think he left me.'