Drinks Sage Gifts

"O, that we could harness this wisdom."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.

Fumes from furniture

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

"You know what burns me up? I deliberately kept my life uneventful, and I got old anyway."

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

The chairman's boat springs a leak: 'Just keep bailing and never mind the wisecracks.'

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

The perils of overwork.

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

'About that blood pressure...stop taking things with a grain of salt.'

"E-cigarette or non e-cigarette section."

Before you learn to make the perfect ale, my son, you must first learn to make the perfect little bowl of nuts and pretzels.

'Wh-h-hatz-u-upp, dude?'

The past only looks good when you're living in the present.

There's the pay TV remote, the set top box remote, the TV remote...now where did I put the worth watching remote?

'There goes Mr. Negativity.'

'Wisdom is the comb that life gives you after you lose your hair!'

"It needs more old salt."

'I'm not up here seeking wisdom - this is the only place they'll let me smoke.'

'That mantra you gave me is politically incorrect!'

'Hey, I just noticed something. So you know what you get if you cover the 'c' in potato chips? Potato hips, isn't that funny?'

"Of all the lazy, lowdown, deadbeat, pathetic losers you've ever met who had the most influence on you?"

"The meaning of life? Let me Google that for you."

'You're new at this, aren't you?'

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single status update."