Drinking Companion Pillows

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

Dolphin friendly tuna

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"I heard they mate for life."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'There's something hauntingly familiar about the bouquet.'

Reading the sports pages.

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

Tequila Mockingbird

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

'Toast'

Goldie Locks and the three beers.

"I like you because you have absolutely no agenda."

Man, I could destroy a chocolate donut with sprinkles right now

That dolphin drinks like a fish.

"Talk to me. You have wounds. I have salt."

Best friends without borders.

Drinking Companions

"Do you know what we need? We need drinking songs."

Joe's Bar - Two Kegs Any Style $49.95

Unmanned drones.

'This is the layout of all the bars we'll hit tonight! We'll start here, then...So we'll sweep around their rear flank, capture their artillery here, then...'

"I just did a huge one in my diaper."

"I hate arguing with someone who knows what they're talking about."

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

A stronger drink

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

'Here comes Ted.'

"Thing about human interest stories is, they always presume you're interested in humans."

'How long has what been going on?'

"Honey, could you grab the Bible? I need to double-check something."