Drinking Companion T-Shirts

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

Dolphin friendly tuna

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"I heard they mate for life."

Reading the sports pages.

'There's something hauntingly familiar about the bouquet.'

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

Tequila Mockingbird

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

"I like you because you have absolutely no agenda."

Goldie Locks and the three beers.

'Toast'

That dolphin drinks like a fish.

"Talk to me. You have wounds. I have salt."

Best friends without borders.

Drinking Companions

"Do you know what we need? We need drinking songs."

Joe's Bar - Two Kegs Any Style $49.95

Unmanned drones.

'Here comes Ted.'

A stronger drink

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

"I just did a huge one in my diaper."

"I hate arguing with someone who knows what they're talking about."

"Thing about human interest stories is, they always presume you're interested in humans."

'How long has what been going on?'

"Honey, could you grab the Bible? I need to double-check something."

'Seeing it's your birthday, lets go and get rat arsed.'

"If I ever feel that life's moving too fast, I just stand in the prescriptions queue..."