Dressing Dabbler Pillows

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

My first mistake.

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

'Sorry Mum, but the silly haircut kind of ruins my body builder image...'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

Negotiations over the new colour scheme had reached stalemate.

'Plastic Surgery for Beginners'

"Less panting, and more painting!"

"I'm taking you off 3 of the 4 basic food groups."

I'm sure it's here somewhere!

'I eat plenty of fast food, but I just seem to be getting slower and slower!'

"I need to lay off those seven birthday cakes a year."

'I've got to get in shape. I visited a fitness website and now I'm sore.'

A knitter's in and out boxes

'The results came back negative. You won't ‘just die' if you don't get that new designer handbag.'

'Ol' Zeke across the mountain's been stealing all my business with his new low-carb moonshine!'

"Oh no! Buy new clothes so I can go on a date, and then I have to ask dad for a ride to the movies, and I got this pimple last week right on my chin! Why is this happening?!"

"Do cows grunt?.... I must have milked a pig then."

'I read Robert Gates' memoir. I wish he were still Secretary of Defense so we could cut his budget!'

'Our 'Resolution Membership' is a no-obligation contract, complete with unscheduled workouts and spotty routines that fit anyone with weak, annual ambitions.'

'What do you expect, Judy? No diet will work if you consistently eat two tons,of fish a day.'

Despite their best efforts Hell's scientists were never able to break the scorn barrier,

Toy boat on a tsunami.

Badminton/Goodminton

'Your Dad's OK, he's just been temporarily inspired by the Olympics...'

"Lord, Satan rejected this fireman. What shall we do with him?

DANGER - hook and worm...!

Visual Gag Cardigans Cars wearing Cardigans made for Cars