Designer Dabbler Pillows

'The results came back negative. You won't ‘just die' if you don't get that new designer handbag.'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

My first mistake.

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

'I can't get the hang of this cloud computing...'

The Screeeen!

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'

'I don't surf the net, I just kind of dog-paddle through it.'

'Plastic Surgery for Beginners'

Negotiations over the new colour scheme had reached stalemate.

This salad tastes funky� Is this ranch dressing? Oh, I'm sorry, sir� I thought you ordered raunch dressing.

'What was the question?'

'If we are to differentiate ourselves from the private sector we need to focus on a reorientation of our client-facing interactions to prioritise customer led positive responses to intervention scenarios.'

"My decorating style is more like 'Flung Shui'."

Man defaces a painting to make it fit above his fireplace.

"Less panting, and more painting!"

"How can you study while listening to music and TV at the same time?"

"But part of me hopes there never is an Armageddon."

'He's at the 'awkward stage' in converting to paperless so he carries both a laptop and a briefcase.'

'Edwards, you fool, I'm Dr.Blake - the experiment worked! It means riches and fame for me - us! I meant us!'

"I'm scanning these old photos we're afraid of losing into my computer so I can lose them there."

I was having fun making log letters when someone asked "why?" So I Qui

'I hate his more-contagious-than-thou attitude!'

A knitter's in and out boxes

'I would like to be able to refer to this statistical graph, but I have math anxiety.'

"Do cows grunt?.... I must have milked a pig then."

'It's just a first draft.'

'She's system two and this is the new beta release.'

Toy boat on a tsunami.

I accidently deleted my hard drive, but it's okay. All the important stuff is on the refrigerator anyway.

Ceramics Dept. (You Break It, You Bought It.) Book Dept. (You Speed-Read It, You bought It.)

"Unfortunately polishing my mouse isn't as relaxing sharpening my pencils."