Dreamy Touchdowners Pillows

Super bowl for the poor.

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"Football is too dangerous, Junior. Why not follow my footsteps in a safe sport - chasing investment yield?"

Punishment for the kicker.

'He's checking with his agent to see if it's okay to score a try!'

"Let's do exactly what these pundits in the halftime report said we should do. If we lose, we'll blame them!"

"Oh, wait. He's on their side."

It's true. Some days I feel like creating a miracle, and some days I just feel like helping a dude catch a touchdown pass.

Just as he was about to be annihilated, Dirk makes an amazing discovery,

Penalty

'Yes! How does if feel to be giving birth to a future kicker in professional football?'

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

You guys aren't living up to your preseason hype!

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also getting compensation for closed-head injuries."

Friendly fire!

Just sitting here kicking field goals (smiley face emoji)

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'

"And then he said he wanted $50,000 for it."

'Have you heard the fisherman's song. . .To dream the impossibe bream.'

'Whoa! Don't try to be a hero. It's too late for Dan, but let this be a lesson...'

Football

'Your grandfather is a cautionary tale, son. He quit school early and pinned all his hopes on an NFL career. But in the end, he was never used in a single game.'

Bedtime Reading

'I want to ship Daddy to all the places he missed visiting, because he was working so hard to accumulate the estate I just inherited.'

'Save some purrs for when I play quarterback for the Saints.'

'I wanna be a hockey goalkeeper.'

Bed time stories

"Okay, let's celebrate this touchdown and try not to disappoint our new offensive choreographer."

Reading the signs of change...'Looks like this is the last day of vacation, so tomorrow it's back to school, kids...'

Sadie, you've got a lot of nerve making light of all the concussions suffered by football players. Stow it, meathead. By the way, I heard Eli Manning got a concussion last season. What? What?! Eli? My Honeybunch? He of the NFL's greatest rear?! I won't have it. The league must reform! Awesome. I still have to brain power to tell a provocative lie. Get it together, NFL or face my wrath!

'Throw the ball! I can't hold them much longer - the defence shields are weakening!'