Dreamer Of Nondescript Homes T-Shirts

'I think I've found our dreamhouse, Helen. Check out the one under the heading 'nondescript'.'

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

"I aways thought it would be stylish to live in a house with high ceilings."

'Think outside the seed.'

Urban Compost Heap.

'I wish I'd listened to Sarah Beeny now.'

'Want a new house? Time to start groveling again.'

"We're interested in a five bath, one bedroom that's on the water."

Man in house with no roof on phone to estate agent: "Look, this house is unfinished. Please stop saying, 'It gets a lot of light'."

Some buildings are just not meant to have roof gardens.

"It's a bit of a 'fixer upper'. You just have to chop down the forest, obtain planning permission, and build the house."

Repossessed Properties.

The Old Woman in the Shoe's summer home.

'Could you show us something a little more upstream?'

The reason for the real estate slump.

"Interior walls white sliced skimmed with dream topping."

Giant Mosquito Screen Door.

"Another self-build. . ."

Frontispiece to E Dowson's 'The Pierrot of the Minute'

'Of course it's not a load-bearing wall!'

'We're looking to borrow a deposit, a month's rent, and a month's rent in advance.'

'Four bedrooms, parking and a decent garden near to your social work office in Kensington for less than £250,000...I'll just bring up a selection for you to choose from...'

'I've finally bridged the gap between sandcastle perfection and move-in-ready.'

'I'm sorry Rudi - we're looking for something a bit closer to the shops'

House for Sale.

"You bought one, too? That guy’s a really persuasive realtor!"

'We'll put it on as 'charmingly proportioned'.'

'I always wanted a home on the range.'

That's the look I'd have for my place if I wasn't on the street.