Down-to-earth Jokester Gifts

'Hello Shitty.'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

A crab with a utility knife claw

The Female Brain and The Other One

Pyramid (Drawn from memory) (Pretty accurate)

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

Men dancing

Pelobong

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Priest with the Pet Devil.

Leaving cards.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and with the sun if I've found death, please excuse my morning breath.

"You idiots … we lost!"

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'But seriously, folks... Who knows how many blondes it takes to screw in my latest invention?'

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

"Your Covid-19 Test Results Are In..."

Dry Hard with a Vengeance