Doubtful Detective Gifts

"Do you offer a warranty?"

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

'I don't trust him - he's got beady eyes.'

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

60 minutes I.Q. test - pick the counterfeit.

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'Your dilemma is fabulous. Imagine what a dramaturge could do with it.'

'He's a cheat I tell you - it's just a trick!'

"Really, Mr. Stevens, this fantasy of being turned into a giant frog is absurd. We both know there's no such thing as a curse, and you can't seriously believe your mother-in-law is actually a witch. . ."

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

"It's a setup."

"Skip the ghost stories. Tell us your conspiracy theory again!"

Arnold's clone refuses to workout: 'You're a huge disappointment, dude.'

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

"See...polystyrene!"

"So in other words, we're hoping to discover what makes the nitty, gritty."

'I am a bit suspicious...In my experience, there is no such thing as a 'Free Lunch'...'

'Take a look at this everyone - it just could be the signature we've been looking for.'

"They're not home.."

"He's not a big, bad wolf, Gramps - he's a predatory insurance agent!"

'Aaaaaaaaawwwwww!'

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

'Did you see who pushed you?'

Serious Crime Squad, Light-Hearted Crime Squad, Happy As Larry Crime Squad.

Think Zero Defects

'I gather this is your first sting operation.'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Dang it! My pants must've shrunk in the dryer. . . Ok. . . who's responsible for shrinking all of my slacks?!!'

'Do you have poor credit? . . . Visit paydayloanshark.com for instant cash!'

'I've been lying to you, darling. I'm not really Godzilla, King of the Monsters...'

"Oh, gosh, oh no, you've found me out..."

'OK you didn't eat the rabbit, I believe you; snakes are no strangers to plausible deniability.'

look out it might be a fake

"The problem is there's no engine. Just a mysterious plot device."

"Clever plot, but who can concentrate without some gratuitous sex and violence?"