Delusion Detective Gifts

"Really, Mr. Stevens, this fantasy of being turned into a giant frog is absurd. We both know there's no such thing as a curse, and you can't seriously believe your mother-in-law is actually a witch. . ."

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'I don't trust him - he's got beady eyes.'

"Tee-Hee! Working like a charm!"

Incognito Bonito - 'I don't know me, but I do know you!'

"So yes, I bit him! How was I supposed to know it was Master wearing a red fat-suit and a fake white beard?"

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

"I had a wonderful dream that Anonymous turned out to be me."

"Has anyone considered that maybe his dress was a disguise?"

"It's a setup."

'He's a cheat I tell you - it's just a trick!'

'Nothing this week †between your pay and your deductions, you broke even.'

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

"That's Gilbey's hat and Gilbey's binoculars, but that's definitely not Gilbey."

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."

"See...polystyrene!"

"So in other words, we're hoping to discover what makes the nitty, gritty."

'...and then you smile and say...all together now...'that's not deductible.'.'

'Take a look at this everyone - it just could be the signature we've been looking for.'

"When the IRS sees your deductions they'll get a good laugh!"

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

'And that's your idea of a desk calendar...'

After income tax, pension and national insurance I end up owing £450.

"They're not home.."

'I actually find my Ghillie Suit a better camouflage option than my stripes...'

'Aaaaaaaaawwwwww!'

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

"He's not a big, bad wolf, Gramps - he's a predatory insurance agent!"

"President Whipple couldn't make it."

Federal witness protection agency.

Man sells IRS insurance outside IRS building.

Think Zero Defects