Delusion Detective Pillows

"Really, Mr. Stevens, this fantasy of being turned into a giant frog is absurd. We both know there's no such thing as a curse, and you can't seriously believe your mother-in-law is actually a witch. . ."

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

"Tee-Hee! Working like a charm!"

"So yes, I bit him! How was I supposed to know it was Master wearing a red fat-suit and a fake white beard?"

Incognito Bonito - 'I don't know me, but I do know you!'

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

"It's a setup."

"Has anyone considered that maybe his dress was a disguise?"

"I had a wonderful dream that Anonymous turned out to be me."

'Nothing this week †between your pay and your deductions, you broke even.'

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

'He's a cheat I tell you - it's just a trick!'

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

"See...polystyrene!"

"That's Gilbey's hat and Gilbey's binoculars, but that's definitely not Gilbey."

"So in other words, we're hoping to discover what makes the nitty, gritty."

'...and then you smile and say...all together now...'that's not deductible.'.'

'Take a look at this everyone - it just could be the signature we've been looking for.'

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

'And that's your idea of a desk calendar...'

"When the IRS sees your deductions they'll get a good laugh!"

After income tax, pension and national insurance I end up owing £450.

"He's not a big, bad wolf, Gramps - he's a predatory insurance agent!"

Federal witness protection agency.

Man sells IRS insurance outside IRS building.

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

'I actually find my Ghillie Suit a better camouflage option than my stripes...'

"They're not home.."

"President Whipple couldn't make it."

'Aaaaaaaaawwwwww!'

Think Zero Defects

'It's a simple change. Instead of software, you should be writing off your employees as hardware.'