Doubtful Detective T-Shirts

"Do you offer a warranty?"

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

60 minutes I.Q. test - pick the counterfeit.

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

"Really, Mr. Stevens, this fantasy of being turned into a giant frog is absurd. We both know there's no such thing as a curse, and you can't seriously believe your mother-in-law is actually a witch. . ."

"It's a setup."

'He's a cheat I tell you - it's just a trick!'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

'Your dilemma is fabulous. Imagine what a dramaturge could do with it.'

"Skip the ghost stories. Tell us your conspiracy theory again!"

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

"See...polystyrene!"

Arnold's clone refuses to workout: 'You're a huge disappointment, dude.'

"So in other words, we're hoping to discover what makes the nitty, gritty."

'I am a bit suspicious...In my experience, there is no such thing as a 'Free Lunch'...'

'Take a look at this everyone - it just could be the signature we've been looking for.'

'Aaaaaaaaawwwwww!'

"He's not a big, bad wolf, Gramps - he's a predatory insurance agent!"

"They're not home.."

'Did you see who pushed you?'

Serious Crime Squad, Light-Hearted Crime Squad, Happy As Larry Crime Squad.

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

Think Zero Defects

'I gather this is your first sting operation.'

'Do you have poor credit? . . . Visit paydayloanshark.com for instant cash!'

"Oh, gosh, oh no, you've found me out..."

'I've been lying to you, darling. I'm not really Godzilla, King of the Monsters...'

look out it might be a fake

'OK you didn't eat the rabbit, I believe you; snakes are no strangers to plausible deniability.'

"The problem is there's no engine. Just a mysterious plot device."

"Uh-oh!. . . Look out! Where did he come from? Something spooky is going on in this picture...Can you spot it?"

"Clever plot, but who can concentrate without some gratuitous sex and violence?"