Door Devotee Gifts

Remember, when one door closes, another door opens, so don't forget to fix that @#$% latch, too. RJ & Son Locksmiths.

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

Wordplay: Gastropod.

Ninedency: A budding tendency

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

'It's the first animal in their dictionary, Inter-Planetary Publishing Protocol is to always list the most intelligent lifeform first...'

Man sees door to Thesaurus company that has sign posted: 'Absent Ingesting Comestibles'.

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

You're the olive in my martini

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice a favourite, and entrusted by his master.

Arms race - USA and Russia.

"Spoiler alert...Z."

"'Best wishes'? That's it? That's all you got?!"

Thesaurus Publishing: In a Meeting, Gathering, Conference, Forum, Discussion.

"Audacity, noun. Unrestrained impudence. Impudence... Impudence... Impudent, adjective. Marked by impertinent disrespect. Impertinent... Impertinent..."

"Hang on- I'm receiving a textured message."

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

Thesaurus Publishing: Push, Shove, Thrust, Nudge.

A dead business executive is lowered into the grave with his desk

Samuel Johnson

"I don't like playing Scrabble with Gracie! She totally makes up all kinds of crazy words! And they're always in the dictionary!"

'I've spent the last 20 years modernising the house and now you say it looks old-fashioned!'

"My one regret is that I didn't spend more quality time with my office."

Thesaurus Editor, Overseer, Corrector, Improver, Modifier.

War and Peace

'The larrikin was shirty because his crowdy wasn't flyless.'

Sir Edmund Hillary Arriving Home To His Third Floor Apartment

Sir Joseph Porter, KCB, First Lord of the Admiralty HMS Pinafore

"What does 'inexplicable' mean..?"

Give Thanks.

Turning with mathematical precision.