Donut Detective T-Shirts

'It's nothing serious. Just a little powdered sugar.'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

Missing Easter Egg

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"Don't tell him anything."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"Your call is important to us, but not as important as this delicious cream donut with chocolate sprinkles that I'm about to eat..."

'Here ya' go, sweetie. Our Key Lime Pie.'

"Oh, there will be an investigation!"

Plane with banner shoots at another.

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

How is your soup, sir? Speaking for myself, it looks pretty good. I can't speak for the fly, of course.

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

'Mine was stone cold.'

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

'Well, that's the last of the garlic repellent.'

'You hate to see this kind of thing.'

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"