Donut Detective T-Shirts

'It's nothing serious. Just a little powdered sugar.'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

Missing Easter Egg

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"Don't tell him anything."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

'Here ya' go, sweetie. Our Key Lime Pie.'

"Oh, there will be an investigation!"

Plane with banner shoots at another.

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

"Your call is important to us, but not as important as this delicious cream donut with chocolate sprinkles that I'm about to eat..."

'Mine was stone cold.'

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

'Well, that's the last of the garlic repellent.'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

"This place is slipping. The 'Chef's Surprise' looks more like a cook's confusion."

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'

'Darling - are you finding these waiters rather over-attentive?'

"Congratulations! For checking the fridge 30 times in under an hour, you've won something that you actually want to eat!"